Charlene (Char) Schill is in a word, a firecracker. The OG firecracker. Posthumously she would hate that I’m writing this tribute about her because she never wanted or needed the attention. Most of her life is grounded in how she focused on and affected others in most profound nurturing way, me included. An adopted daughter born in the 1940s who waxed poetically about how wonderfully her adopted parents raised her and her other adopted sister Cathlene, all she wanted all her life was to be a mother and in time a grandmother and she accomplished both goals in a glorious fashion. But her accomplishments would span far beyond that.
My time knowing Char dates back over 25 years and can be segmented into 3 distinct chapters. The first is the time when I was a suitor to her daughter and only 26 years old. While some new boyfriends dread the first time they meet the parents of their girlfriends my experience was of utmost joy. As I crossed the threshold into her home for the first of what would eventually be repeated thousands of times more her hospitality was effortlessly warm and authentic. I was welcomed immediately and not having any family of my own living near me I would come to eventually be virtually adopted by Char and in time her extended side of the family. She was paying it forward from her own experience in a very Char way. She would become my California mom. I cherished the Sunday family dinners at the dining room table. Every family member birthday was celebrated without hesitation and usually with the extended family in attendance. She hosted most holidays in her home in Los Altos and the canvas that decorated every room in her home was not artwork, it was framed photos, shelves of dozens of photo albums she had put together in meticulous chronological order documenting every small and big milestone of her own children who she adored throughout her life.
Even more impressive was discovering how many more lives she affected in the most profound way in a 25-year career as a teacher and nurturer at the Morgan Autism Center in Los Altos. It takes a special kind of human to choose a career like that and she was tailor made for it. I’ll never forget attending her retirement party at the school how many families took time to pay tribute, many of which who had graduated children out of the program years if not a decade earlier. Each patiently waiting their turn at the mic, no notes but speaking directly from the heart how Char had given them hope, joy, relief, laughter and a blueprint on how they would help their special needs children continue to grow and blossom in life. I was completely blown away leaving the event that night how wonderful this woman was.
As earnest and giving as she could be Char did not suffer fools, hence the firecracker designation. We would joke in the early days the barometer of her rebuttals and always subtle and never mean barbs were based on whether it was a 1 Chardonnay or 2 Chardonnay night. I asked her once what happens after 3 chardonnays and she said honey pray you never have to find out. She was very clear on her morale code and never strayed from it. That’s just who she was.
The 2nd chapter of my life with Char was after we had our two children, and she became Grandma Char. Our mutual parent friends with equally young children would be green with envy when we’d announce plans to get away kid free for more than the occasional night or weekend. Where are your children? They are with grandma Char. When we were invited to attend my cousin Chris’s wedding in London our kids were 3 and under 1 at the time it was not even debated that Char would take our youngest on her own for a week so we could attend. You don’t miss big events in Char’s world because family is everything. While our children would have the blessed fortune of having many grandparents who loved them the strongest connection each would build was with her which is natural since she was with them the most growing up.
Grandma Char afternoon visits, overnights and weekend time with the grandkids were always meticulously planned. Beds were made with each of their favorite stuffed animals and nightlights. Food menus were pre-set. Daily activities could be as simple as playing catch or hitting balls with grandpa in the front yard or excursions to parks or afternoon matinees. I’m amazed looking back how our kids ever wanted to return to the daily rigor of life without grandma because it was like a Disney vacation every single time.
Char had a great sense of humor whether it was intentional or not. One legendary family story took place at Christmas which we spent every afternoon and evening hosted at her place to unwrap presents drink too many mimosas and have a huge family dinner. She always wrapped the presents days before and one afternoon unwrapping a present from her to me the gift was enclosed in a box that simply said, “Wild For You!” Well Char I’m taken aback. I never knew you had these kinds of feelings for me! And while I very much appreciate the gesture, I’m a happily married man. She burst into laughter and gave me the biggest hug and whispered, “You’re not my type”. Of course, that box would make special appearances at future Christmas events in the years forward and her laughter only grew with more enthusiasm each time.
The final chapter with Char for me is perhaps the most moving for me personally. I’ll simply say when life milestones occurred that gave her every opportunity and license to “unadopt” me from her life she only grew closer and more supportive which I will forever be grateful for. Family is everything to her and that was a lifelong commitment for her.
She never wanted to be a burden on her kids and that was perhaps her final gift to all of us as she exited this world surrounded by the family that intensely loved her. I’ll miss her very much and forever cherish that I had her for my second mom and she was the grandmother to my 2 boys who will equally miss her and forever be shaped by her love.