Sharing an excerpt from a book I’m writing to give to my graduating son before he heads off to college in the fall.
Preface
In June of 2004, a few months before I was to become a father for the first time and ultimately the start of the most important role in my life a friend of mine asked me if I had thought of a good birth year gift that I would save until my child’s 18th or 21st birthday. A birth year gift? I’d never heard of it. Something that would stand the test of time, grow in financial or sentimental value or both and a gift he she would appreciate. My initial and immediate reaction was my kid wasn’t even born yet and this soon to be person was already costing me money!
Accepting fate that my days of discretionary income were shortly going to end in an abrupt manner the concept of a birth year gift intrigued me, so I started to think what could I come up with as a gift idea for my kid. I asked some other friends who were already fathers, and they came up with a few classics. Get your kid a good bottle of French Bordeaux. It will set you back a pretty penny but it ages well and will be perfect to drink when they graduate high school and get ready to head off to college. But the thought of him opening up the bottle, taking a few sips and reverting back to a preferred libation of room temperature Coors light or Vodka and Squirt sent my mind recoiling in terror. Pass on the expensive bottle of wine. Plus, there was a 91% chance I would have consumed the bottle myself in a weak moment long before the planned gifting moment, of which there would be many over your still young cumulative years so far on this earth.
No wine? Alright get your kid a Rolex. They only go up in value and they nothing says status like a Rolex. Except at 18 or 21 years of age you’re not allowed to have status by decree of your father who had none at the same ages, nor owns a Rolex even to this day. Plus, no kids today wear watches nor apparently can tell time when it comes to adhering to agreed upon curfews to be home. “Rolex…A commitment to not get you one”.
Ok forget watches. Invest in a stock portfolio on behalf of your kid and watch it grow. Sounds like a fabulous idea except my track record of picking stocks is abysmal and that trait runs in the family. I think it was my great grandfather who stated “we’re going all in on the stock market!” sometime in late 1929. Remember when Apple stock went on a rocketship ride? I sold at $25 a share thinking it can’t go higher. Bitcoin was can’t miss until I got in and…well…missed. So be thankful I did not go down this road or you would be opening up your baby gift portfolio of stocks in Sears, Lehman Brothers, Tower Records, Compaq and Toys R Us.
The one commonality in each of these gift ideas is that they are things that may or may not have sentimental value let alone monetary value. It’s all a crap shoot and seems unworthy of celebrating a special milestone on the brink of launching into adulthood. Bottles of good wine get consumed and thrown away with little to no sentimental value beyond the evening it may be enjoyed. Expensive watches easily get lost or damaged or worse, left in a drawer never to see the light of day. Stock portfolios don’t make you happy. Well actually I take that back. if I bought you Amazon or Google stock or both at the time of your birth, you’d be pretty fucking happy and I’d be writing this chapter from the west wing of my compound in Hillsborough surrounded by Rolex’s and cases of Bordeaux. But I direct you to my aforementioned knack of picking stock losers and why I’m writing this manifest instead in a sticky chair at a sketchy Starbucks on the wrong side of San Mateo.
I hope one thing I’ve taught you over the years is value experiences over things. Things get old. Experiences only get richer and more valuable in your mind over time. It’s why I never had an expensive car (until I turned 50and in a weak moment where my car lease was up bought an Italian sports car but do as I say not as I do!) or lived in a super fancy house or bought a bunch of man toys. We saved up for vacations to unique destinations that brought fantastic memories, invested in your education and chose personal growth over social standing. Yes, Google and Amazon stock would have given you both of ends of the spectrum, but I thought we covered this already. Let me say this one more time. I bet on K-O-D-A-K!
Coming full circle on the birth year gift ideas I was initially stumped and uninspired so put the whole idea the dark corners of my mind next to the forgotten locations of many years of lost wallets and all the memories of strikeouts I had trying to pick up girls at bars in the early to mid 90s. Fast forward to this year where your big milestone was fast approaching and I had yet to figure out what to get you to commemorate your launch into adulthood. But I woke up one morning and the concept of what I needed to do became so alarmingly clear on my path forward. As you know I love to write in my long-standing blog about dad life (Donut Monday and ModernBlokes) documenting all my experiences and turns out I’ve accumulated a few along the way of my 52 years so far on this earth. Experiences over things. Insights I’ve experienced growing up over good bottles of wine. Lessons learned launching into my own life into adulthood over Rolex watches. A long standing commitment to middle upper-class dad living over NOT buying Amazon or Google stock in 2004. Where I’m getting at here is my gift to you is a book documenting my experiences so far in life. Some of these will be life experiences that you inevitably will go through yourself – launching your own career, taking your first guy trip, experiencing love and loss. Some are unique to my life that you may never experience but may still draw some insight and dare I say it some occasional laughter from your old man – taking the annual guys trip, your first business trip, being handy (or lack thereof) …even investing. Cue the inappropriate time to start laughing at your dad’s expense.
To be clear this isn’t a book about telling you what to do or not to do in life as you grow older. If I have taught you anything I hope its that you will chart your own path in life. I am simply a parent help line to offer advice on occasion, hold you when you hit life lows, high five and cheer for you when you hit life highs and babysit grandchildren if you bless me with that honor. (Disclaimer I’ve retired from changing diapers) I hope this gift brings you some joy, laughter, insight and maybe even an occasional tear as life is not always about the highs as you have already experienced dealing with gun violence, a global pandemic and the divorce of your parents. It’s the most authentic gift I can give you that will last much longer than that bottle of wine, more useful than a dumb expensive Rolex and until they invent an investor time machine more valuable than the Google and Amazon stock that I didn’t buy you. Sorry.